Monday, April 20, 2009
Does it get easier??
This past week, I have been asking myself this question everyday. I thought it was supposed to get easier as they get older. The past couple of nights, one of them have woken up about every two hours just screaming. I have had to rock them back to sleep everytime. In the past they were sleeping 6-6 1/2 hours in between feedings...lately they are eating every 4 hours & it is getting really hard to feed both of them at once. They are both figuring out how to use those hands & are both pushing & pulling at the bottles and my hands. It's hard enough to feed one baby with one hand, but try holding the bottle & pinning their hands down too!! I may just have to start feeding one after the other! In the past, I have swaddled & rocked both babies to sleep at bedtime. Dr. Fred recently recommended to get them calm, but to put them down awake & let them go to sleep in their crib. He said this will help them go back to sleep with they wake up in the night. So we have been trying this at nighttime & they have done great! They are so tired at bedtime that they have been going right to sleep. I know I can't swaddle them forever though, so I have been trying to get them used to going to sleep on their backs without the swaddle. So at naptime this morning, I laid them in their cribs on their backs & I was going to let them just cry it out! After 15 minutes of both of them screaming bloody murder...I gave in. I put them on their tummies & they were out like a light...not a peep from them. Should I keep doing this everytime they go down??? Will they eventually fall asleep?? I need some advice on any of this!! When did it start getting better for your little one(s)???
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You are doing such a great job! I imagine it can be such a challenge with two! I will tell you what worked for us, but just know that we struggled too and this might not work for everyone so just do what is best for you and your babies!
Brody really started sleeping straight throught the night for 11 hours or so when he was about 11-13 weeks old. I have no idea the exact week because I was too tired to remember!:) Our pedi suggested this for the middle of the night waking up stuff. He said when he woke up to go in and try to consol him first. Not to pick him up just pat back, sing, give paci, whatever it took. If after 30 minutes the screaming (and I mean SCREAMING) continued, then to feed him. Eventually, Brody figured out how to put himself back to sleep after 10 minutes or so. Now he just wakes, up rolls over, and is back asleep. Our dr also recommended laying them down awake, which we have always done with Brody and it really has worked well for us. He has figured out how to soothe himself to sleep. Now we just lay him down wide awake and he is out within 5 minutes! Seriously, hang in there! You are such a good mom and before long, you will be getting full nights sleep!
honestly, i think it's a bit too early for CIO. I still swaddle E and she's 8.5 months old. It's just part of the bedtime "routine." she never stays swaddled and usually gets out of it and stand up and fusses. I have to go in there, lay her back down and put a blanket back over her and walk out of the room, not saying one word to her, and after that a couple of times she will pass out on her own. When she was C & H's age, I had to keep her upright for at least 30 min after every bottle due to her reflux, which meant she inevitably would be rocked to sleep at every nighttime bottle. And she's NEVER had trouble falling asleep on her own. I say rock them if they need it. Because when they are older and they don't want any part of cuddling, you will miss it. trust me. i have miss independent and i miss it a lot! does it get easier? um, my answer would be no. just when you think you have something figured out, they will throw you a curve ball to keep you on your toes. :) keep your chin up.
Mary Kate - I would often hold Cameron when he was younger, but as he got older... I would let him try to comfort himself and fall asleep in his crib on his own. It is so tough...trust me! My DH had to hold me down at times, but he would eventually fall asleep. I don't think I let him cry more then 30 minutes though. I always swaddled Cameron and laid him on his back with some light lullabies playing in the background. The music ALWAYS helped. Good luck and hang in there!!
I've never commented before, but I've been reading your blog for a while and love it! You're a great mom!
About the sleeping thing, I would go with their tummies. I know this goes against everything everyone these days says, but sometimes it is the only way to get your baby to sleep! My son (1 year old now) LOVES to sleep on his belly- if I lay him on his back, he wakes right up. Just move any blankets away from them and they'll be fine. I think sleeping on their bellies is comforting for them- they feel safer that way. And besides, once they start rolling over they'll be sleeping on their bellies anyway, so why not start a little earlier? Good luck!!!
OK just a true story about sleep positioning...when my sis and I were born my mom was told to put us to sleep on our tummy to avoid SIDS...when Tatum(my girl) was born(8yrs ago) I was told to put her to sleep on her side to avoid SIDS...now that Kai is here, I am told to put him on his back to avoid SIDS. Call your doctor or speak to him about it if you are considered but we do know babies need to sleep so if he says it is ok and they prefer their tummies then I wouldn't worry.---Best wishes to the busy momma
We went through several times of good then bad nights. Any change of schedule seemed to through them off or if they got sick...it was really hard to get them sleeping again at night. 15 mins is unfortunately not long enough to let them cry. I hate it too...I still hate it. Luke screamed for 2 hours straight and sometimes I'd cry too. lol. I usually watch him from the video monitor....if you don't have one I recommend it! You can spy on them without them knowing it. If he's especially crazy I'll pop in see if he needs burped or rub his back a little....sometimes it works but often it makes it worse when you leave again. I talked to the doc when Taylor was waking up every two hours crying...as soon as she learned to put her paci back in herself it helped a lot. Now I let her go and she has learned to soothe herself back to sleep. She loves to cuddle her bunny. Our doc pushed self soothing. And another mom of twins who was our maternity nurse told us in the hospital to NOT rock them to sleep. I hated not having that bonding but it has helped them learn to fall asleep themselves. Our doc recommended this book. "Solve your child's sleep problems" by Richard Ferber. He said to get it under control now because it gets A LOT harder once they are toddlers. I feel your pain though....as a mommy, you want to cuddle and soothe them...but in the long run...if they learn to sleep...it's better for you, them and your marriage. :)
Hey there! It will get better- SOON. I remember around 4-5 months having the exact same problems you are talking about. I felt like the sleeping thing was getting worse instead of better. We had them in two different rooms at the time, so we tried letting Nate cry it out (going in every ten minutes to comfort him) and we only had to do that for two nights (I would say he cried for about 30-40 minutes). After that, we could put him in the crib (relaxed) and he wiggles around until he gets comfy and falls asleep fairly quickly. I rocked my daughter to sleep every night for a long time, until she got to a point where we would rock and rock and she was not falling asleep. Eventually we had to let her cry it out too, and it took her about 3 or 4 nights of that (she has a little more stamina). Now we have them both in the same room and we put them both in cribs relaxed with their crib soothers on(those are a life saver!). We got into a great sleep routine at around 5-6 months. Of course, you still have your occasional outburst or teething fussiness in the middle of the night, but that is rare. Take it one day at a time- it is about to get a lot better! We put them down around 8pm every night and that is time for US. Without that time, we would go CRAZY! Keep us updated on your progress and feel free to email me if you have any questions at all!! GOOD LUCK!
I totally understand your frustration. I always felt like everywhere I turned, babies Ava's age were all sleeping through the night except her and that always made me more discourage about her poor sleeping. It does get easier! You know, we had those problems - sleeping well and then all of a sudden waking up - and that was right before Ava got teeth. And actually, recently Ava had started waking up every morning around 4 or 5 and we gave her a bottle b/c it let us go back to sleep. Well, we decided to cut that and the first night she screamed and cried and carried on for an hour (we were there trying to comfort her, but she wanted a bottle), and then the next night it happened thirty minutes and then the third night she slept from 8:30 - 6:45 without waking up. In the process, we let her cry for a few minutes, and then tried to comfort her, and just continued the pattern until she got to sleep. Unfortunately it is so hard listening to the cries, but they are old enough now that they know they can cry and get you to comfort/help them. And in regards to the swaddler - I wondered how we'd break the habit, but eventually Ava got strong enough she'd bust out of it every night so then we just quit using it. Every baby is different and they will get the hang of it! Hope this helps and if nothing else, know you aren't the only one who has these problems! Hang in there and good luck!
Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while... can't remember if I've ever commented but your babies are precious!!!
It does get easier, but there will always be nights/days and weeks where it is really hard. I, of course, don't have twins, so I can't exactly relate to how difficult things are. However, I do have personal experience with screaming babies (both of my girls were big screamers). And I truly believe some babies will not cry it out. Some babies only get more worked up the more they cry... trust your instincts about how to get them to go to sleep. Some babies are great at going to sleep on their own and some, I really believe, need to be held and to feel that touch and security.
You will get through these difficult days... and in the meantime, I know how much it means to be reaffirmed. Those babies are perfect and are proof that you are an amazing Mommy!
Love your blog!
Jen
You don't know me, but I follow your blog and love reading about your sweet family. I have a little girl who is 2 now. I have always rocked her before bed and I used to rock her completely to sleep. I have paid dearly for this because every time she would wake up at night she would want me to rock her back to sleep. In some ways I haven't regretted it because I love holding her and snuggling with her and I know there will be one day I won't get to do that. But I do like to sleep at night and I only had one baby! I started putting her down awake and she would cry. I kept being consistent about it and each time she cried for a shorter period of time until she eventually just accepted it and now she has learned to go to sleep and GO BACK to sleep on her own. I think the earlier you start the better because the longer you rock the more they become accustomed to it. To make it easier, start a bedtime routine such as bath, reading books and then put them down. They will start to associate this with bedtime and things will get much easier. I know it's hard, but just hang in there! One more thing - babies go through growth spurts, sickness, etc. that make them start waking up just when you've gotten used to longer stretches of sleep. This happens off and on throughout the baby months. I hope this helps!
They are probably just going through a growth spurt right now. Anytime babies have a disruption in their sleeping pattern along with needing to feed more, it's almost always a growth spurt. It shouldn't last long.
They will start rolling over soon so you won't have to be as worried about putting them on their bellies either, because they'll be able to roll themselves back over.
I feel for you... I only had one at a time and know how hard it was getting up in the middle of night every couple of hours... I can only imagine having babies that tag team you! ;)
It really does get easier! I think about 4-5 months was whatI call the "magic" month when things took a turn for the better. At about 3 months, we started using podees to feed them, and they worked great for us (they don't work for everyone, but it's worth a try, and it gives you a chance to feed two or three at a time)Definitely keep putting them down awake, its the only way they will learn to go to sleep on their own.
They will from time to time have those growth spurts where the need to eat more frequently, but eventually they go back to normal!
The Baby Whisperer is a great book for helping get them to sleep thru the night- she recommends a method called Pick-up/put-down which basically means, you go in, pick them up, sooth them, and put them right back down when they are calm.. and repeat as necessary until they stop fussing.
As far as the sleeping on their backs.. we swaddled until they could turn over in the swaddle, and then if they wanted to flip over, they did it on their own. probably 5-6 months on they have been mostly belly sleepers. If its the only way they will sleep, what can you really do?
Hang in there- pretty soon things will get easier!
As you are doing, I've put both of my kids to sleep (naps and night-time) awake, so that they know how to put themselves back to sleep. That's one of the best pieces of advice I was given.
My babies loved the swaddle too. And I kept Anniston and Treyson swaddled until they were 6 months old.
Anniston would roll herself over to her belly to sleep (and I couldn't stand over her all night to get her to roll back over--that's what got her comfortable). And she is almost 3 and when we tuck her in at night, she will roll over to her stomach to fall asleep. Treyson, on the other hand, sleeps on his back very contently.
You're doing a great job! Babies are all SO different. And you, Mommy, ultimately will know what's best for your sweet babies!
I so understand where you are coming from, except I only have one baby to take care of versus your two. :) I have found that just when you think you know what you are doing, it all changes again. Teething really messes up their sleep. My daughter started cutting teeth when she was 5 months and now whenever she is getting one, she wakes up every 3-4 hours, whereas when she is not teething, she will sleep 8-10 hours straight. It is exhausting, I know, and it makes you wonder how you got through the tiny newborn stage of waking up every 2 hours or so. :)
MARY KATE-
I HAVE ALWAYS LET MADDI SLEEP ON HER BELLY AND I WILL LET MY FUTURE BABIES SLEEP ON THEIR BELLIES. LIKE C AND H, MADDI WOULD NOT SLEEP ON HER BACK. PUT HER ON HER BELLY, SHE WAS OUT LIKE A LIGHT. WHEN I STARTED DOING THIS, SHE WAS SLEEPING FROM 8-7 AT 6 WEEKS OLD. A TOTAL BLESSING!!!! SHE WILL BE 2 NEXT MONTH AND STILL SLEEPS FROM 7PM UNTIL I WAKE HER UP IN THE MORNING AT 7:30 TO GET HER READY FOR SCHOOL. I HAVE NEVER ROCKED MADDI TO SLEEP FOR BEDTIME AND IM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT NOW. FROM THE TIME SHE WAS 6 WEEKS OLD AND STARTED SLEEPING THRU THE NIGHT, WE HAVE BEEN VERY ROUTINE. SHE WOULD EAT, TAKE A BATH (WE USED JOHNSONS LAVENDER BATH AND LOTION, DONT KNOW IF THAT REALLY WORKED OR JUST GAVE ME PEACE OF MIND), AND THEN WE WOULD READ A BOOK AND LAY HER DOWN AWAKE. WE ARE STILL DOING THE SAME ROUTINE 2 YEARS LATER. YOU WILL BE SO THANKFUL LATER THAT YOU STARTED AT AN EARLY AGE WITH LAYING THEM DOWN AWAKE AND LETTING THEM SELF SOOTHE. BEFORE LONG, C AND H WILL BE ROLLING OVER AND YOU WILL GO GET THEM AND THEY WILL BE ON THE OPPOSITE END OF THE BED, UPSIDE DOWN, ON THEIR BELLIES AND IT WONT EVEN BE AN ISSUE!!! :) P.S. WE HAD THE SAME ISSUE WITH MADDI TAKING HER PACI OUT AND LOSING IT. WE STARTED PUTTING LIKE TEN, YES TEN, PACIS IN HER BED EVERY NIGHT AND WHEN SHE WOULD LOSE ONE, SHE COULD ALWAYS FIND A SPARE WITHOUT US HAVING TO GET UP TO GET HER ANOTHER ONE. JUST A THOUGHT, WORKED FOR US!! GOOD LUCK!!! :)
I have never left a comment, but OH MY GOSH! I feel for you. I know exactly what you are going through. I have a 14 month old who still doesn't sleep through the night. Sleep is the reason that we are not having any more children! I tried the cry-it-out thing for naps, but it NEVER worked. (I would sit in his closet and cry myself) He cried so hard in the first 15 minutes that he threw up each time. YUCK! I thought about going back to work because I was so stressed, but I am a teacher and I would just be dealing with someone else's kid instead of my own so I changed my mind. You hang in there. I know you are an excellent mom and life does get much, much easier even if you have a child that is allergic to sleep!
Our most favorite investment has been a sound machine. They are officially addicted to it! They just hear it and calm down. E-mail me if ya want the info on it! Good Luck Hon!
So sorry- I can't figure out how to cut and paste the picture of a soother! It is just something you attach to the inside of the crib and it lights up, plays music, some of them have water sounds. Try to google "Fisher Price Rain Forest Waterfall Soother". We have this one and an Aquarium soother.
OMG!!! I know exactly what you are going thru! Just within the last couple of weeks my boys have been sleeping from about 10pm to 6 or 7am. But before that they were still eating like every 3 or 4 hours and BOTH would want to be fed at the same time. I would have to hold one and put the other in his careseat and try to rock him with my foot or put both in carseats and try to feed both at the same time. Also, up until a couple of weeks ago they were getting up at least 3 times at night and NEVER would take a very long nap. AND it would be one slept one up and vice versa. Finally, my husband decided to do a schedule for us to follow. I can't tell you the difference it has made in our lives! Now, they sleep thru the night, take naps at the same time ( i even wake them up if they have slept too long)Eat cereal 3 times a day at the same time and I can do one bottle then the next one! If you don't already have them on a schedule I would highly recommend it. It has changed our lives. I just wish I hadnt fought him so hard on it. As far as the tummy sleeping...Dr. Fred told us as long as they had good head control to go for it. They NEVER liked sleeping on their backs! They will only sleep on their tummies. He also told us about putting them in their beds before they were asleep. It was hard the first few times but it DOES get easier. Now, when they wake up in the morning or from Nap time they are usually just playing in their cribs instead of screaming because they were used to being held all the time and rocked to sleep. They have learned to entertain themselves for a short time! Finally, at 7 1/2 months it has gotten easier for me because of the hard times we had in the beginning ( Walker with the heart monitor and the reflux they both had) I hate to even say that because I am afraid of jinxing myself! There will be good days and bad days and just remember to take some MaryKate time when you can. I NEVER left them before but since I have been doing a few things for myself I feel SO MUCH BETTER! You are doing a great job! Polly
hi there,
I do enjoy your blog very much. I can offer you one peice of advice and it will put things in perspective for you. It never gets easier...it only gets different. you are doing a wonderful job. Pretty soon both babies will be sleeping 12 and 13 hours straight with no feeding and no waking. It will just happen one day with no rhyme or reason. Kepp up the good work!
Hi there! Blog stalker here :) Your sis took pics of my family so that is how I started following your story!!
Anyway, I swaddled mine up til 8 mo of age. My baby is almost 2 now and still sleeps with her swaddle blanket. The babies are probably going through a growth spurt and will adjust in a week or so. My suggestion...if they were making it more than 4 hrs before they can now. Try your best not to feed them at 4 hrs so they won't get used to it. Keep the lights off and rock, swaddle, paci, back to bed!
I can only imagine the sleep deprivation with twins though. you have my admiration!! Good luck!!
You're doing a great job!! You know those babies best! I remember the pain of hearing a baby scream and wondering what to do. I read Dr. James Dobson's parenting book and the section on sleep helped So much. He talked about making it peaceful so they want to go to sleep. I was never able to let my kids scream it out until they were much older and I knew they understood what was going on. Otherwise, it felt like I was hurting them. That is a personal opinion. I, too, like a previous poster finally gave in and allowed my kids to sleep on their bellies. It made EVERYONE'S life so much better. At 5 and 2, they both still prefer their bellies. Both of them had horrible reflux, and research shows sleeping on their bellies soothes the pain of that. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. Go with your heart!!
I'm so happy you got so many great responses! I LOVE it when I post a Q&A type blog and people respond, it makes me realize people really do read my blog!! I love reading yours and LOVE the pictures you always have up! I don't rememeber how I found you, but I'm glad I did!!!! I also followed a link on your blog roll one day and won a contest!! Thanks for that too!!!
I think it's going to get better REALLY SOON. With my boys it was between 4 and 5 months and it happened FAST. I had a breakdown at the beginning of month 4. My mom made the mistake of telling me it would get better and I went crazy... crying my eyes out screaming "When??? Not tonight! Not tomorrow night! Exactly when will it get better?" Then suddenly it did. I started letting the boys sleep on their tummies... I had to do something! And it helped SO MUCH. Then I decided I would try not to feed them for a 6 hour stretch at night. If they cried I went to them, rubbed backs, sang songs but I didn't pick them up. I only had to do this for 3 nights before they were sleeping for 10 hours straight! Hang in there mamma! It will get better... and when it does it is SO FUN! 5-8 months has been my favorite stage so far :)
Mary Kate...we totally relate to the "everything's great" then all of a sudden "it's not so great". I have read two different books (baby wise and TwinSet) both talk about routine, routine, routine. We developed a routine as soon as we got home. We bathe, bottle and bed every night. I know, why bathe a child every night? We hear all the comments: "they aren't dirty", "their skin will dry out", "I wouldn't do that if I were you"...well we did and still do and our kids know the routine. We have gone through a time where they were not quite as tired when it came time for bath, so we let them play a bit longer then it was the 3 "B's".
There were/are times when they scream out in the middle of the night...we would go in there, comfort them and back down they went. Our little miss decided for a couple of nights she would cry out, and we would go rock, and just as we were laying her back down, she would wake up. We had to get wise...because we were really only going in the room to prevent her from waking her brother; so, one night we decided to let her cry it out...and if she woke him then we would go get both of them. Well, she cried out, and we waited. She cried for 21 minutes, and we were praying the whole time for him not to wake up...he slept through the whole thing. She did go back to sleep, but that was the longest 21 minutes. We have tried to be diligent that if they are both awake we go, if there is only one awake, we wait. Because they do test us, and we have to be strong.
Now, I will say, there is a difference in the "something is really wrong" cry and the "I'm just not happy" cry. Develope a routine that works for you...it may be different from anyone elses, but it works for your family and that is all that matters.
I hope this helps...please let me know if you need anything else. I love to talk to other moms that have multiples...that lets me know I am not alone.
God blessed your family with two beautiful babies...may He continue to shower you with Blessings!
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